His Creation

Recently I've started to learn some things about myself. I think it's really opened my mind. This has been on my mind for a while, and I have slowly been coming to the realization of this. So maybe I should go into a little of the background before I start:

When I was born there was something wrong with my right eye. There was something there that shouldn't have been there. The doctor's tried to remove it, but it just grew back. So the doctors basically decided that I had to lose my eyesight in that eye. The eye does not grow, and I have a prosthetic eye on top of it.

When I was younger I don't think it really affected me all that much. Maybe I bumped into a few walls, but it never stopped me from doing anything. As I grew up though, I started getting questions. The questions really started bothering me. Things like "What's wrong with your eye?" I hated explaining it to people. I still hate explaining it to people. I didn't like wearing glasses, so I decided the best way would be to try and mask it. I used my hair to cover it up. I still haven't become comfortable enough to move my hair completely out of my face, though it has made significant improvement.

Seeing all these beautiful models, and actresses made me really hate myself. I didn't look beautiful like they did. Some people said I should go into modeling, I knew I could never do that because of this imperfection. My pupils almost always look different sizes. I knew I could never be beautiful like them. I truly hated myself.

I have always wondered what the world looks like with two eyes. I can't see 3-D movies. They just look normal to me. I have no peripheral vision on my right side. I wonder what I would look like if I had two functioning eyes. I wonder if my life would be different.

I often wonder why God has given me this disability. I know he has a specific plan for me, but I just have a hard time trying to figure it out. I wonder if he gave me this to make me a stronger person. Maybe he did. I'm sure I have become a stronger person. I wonder why he decided to create me so different than most people.

Then God led me to film. He showed me my passion for the art. He showed me what I could create with a camera. I had a natural talent for photography and film that I never knew I had. I realized I could depict an emotion through a photograph or through a film.

This got me thinking. I have no depth perception. To me the world basically looks like a photograph-though I really don't see that much of a difference. This gave me the thought that maybe God decided to make me this way so that I see the world different than everyone else. Maybe this isn't a disability, but a gift that he has given me. He has given me a different way to see things. Different than what most see. Maybe I can use this to create my art.

This has really started to give me some hope. It's given me a reason to accept the gift for what it is. It's given me a reason to love myself.

A Discriminating God?

Last week I went to a non-denominational Christian group. They read me a bible verse that really made me ask a lot of questions.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

Now from what everyone says God is supposed to be a very loving and kind God. He is supposed to love everyone, but this verse seems to say otherwise. This verse seems to say that God is very discriminating against his people. Now I do see some of these acts as being wrong, but I don't see them as being bad enough to not allow them to not be allowed into heaven. That's why I am questioning.

I think the part that bugs me the most is the homosexuals. I happen to know quite a few homosexuals who are all very wonderful people. I don't really see homosexuality as a sin. I believe love is love no matter what. Also there are questions about homosexuals choosing to be that way or it being a genetic thing. I think in no way is it a "disease," as some people may think that, but in no way is it a choice. I don't think anyone would choose to be discriminated against. Especially if even God supposedly discriminates against them according to this verse.

The verse after it also raises some questions in my head.

1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

Now when explained by the people in the Church group this is supposed to mean that once you have turned and accepted Jesus Christ as your savior then you will be allowed into heaven. Now it makes me wonder does this mean that once they turn to God they will stop with their "sins?" I wonder if that means that even if a gay person takes Jesus as his savior, but doesn't stop being gay will they still be banned from heaven? I don't think a gay person can actually just stop being gay just because they accept Christ as their savior.

In my idea of God he doesn't discriminate against gay people. I mean if he creates everyone then doesn't he create the gays too? I don't think he would not allow a good person to enter heaven based only on the fact that they were gay. God is not that cruel. God loves everyone including the gays.

First Things First

So I decided to make this blog for my thoughts and questions. Mostly I will be writing about religions because I do have a lot of thoughts, ideas, and questions about religions. I am very curious about all of the different religions there are in the world because I don't know anything about most of them so it leads to a lot of questions.

That means feel free to post your opinions, thoughts, ideas, answers, anything you want as replies on here. You can agree or disagree with me. I just want this to be a place where I can let out my ideas onto a written thing. Also I'd like to see if anyone else out there has questions or theories. I want to learn a lot more because I am really curious about all of this.

To be honest I decided to write this and ask these questions in a blog because I am afraid to ask them at church. I am afraid that some of the people there may think differently of me if I express my ideas and opinions on some of these matters. I know that they always say that they are open to questions and stuff, but I really find it hard because I don't want them to think that I'm challenging their beliefs. I do not wish to challenge anyone's belief. I am just trying to figure out some ideas to help me find what to believe.

So that brings me to what I believe in, because I'm sure you will find that important. I do believe there is a God, but I don't believe he is what everyone thinks he is. I think there are many possibilities and I question those possibilities. I want to remain optimistic and realistic. My main questions will usually concern things in the bible.

So that's what this blog is going to be. If you're interested in the blog then follow me and we will see how this goes.